Thursday, February 10

Decisions are not my friends.

My mind is distracted, and I'm having a really difficult time concentrating. I'm at work surrounded by things that need to be done, and nothing is getting me to do them.

It's hard when someone with that kind of power over you comes back into your life so abruptly after being gone for so long. It throws you for a loop. Makes you feel hot and distracted. Dizzy. Feelings come back so easily, so quickly. I guess they never left, I just became more creative in finding ways to escape them, to cover them up. And it turns out, after all this time, I'm still left wanting. The want never went away, this I guess I was aware of. I was hoping the intensity would have at least lessened, but I've been proven wrong.

I don't think that there is just one person out there for us. Because if that were the case, it would be a sad, sad world. However, if I were to think along those lines, he would've been it. In two weeks, he left an imprint that will last until I'm no longer here. Even after, I'm sure I will feel it. I can try and explain the situation to friends, but there are no words to help them understand what's going on in my head, and more importantly, what we shared. I usually talk to work through difficulties, I've never been one to become recluse (much to my friend's dismay, I am sure). But this time, I don't feel like I can talk about it. I think it's up to me to decide what to do. To decide which feelings to follow, which part of my body to trust.

If I don't make the right decision, I feel pretty confident I will be happy with what I chose, and not regret a thing. Because sometimes, it's worth the pain.

1 comment:

PKD said...
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