Friday, September 9

And here it is: Proof that way too much time was spent contemplating TITC, in chronological order. (R would be so proud.)

Here you go, Velumptuous ladies, you asked for it. I'm not sure you knew what you were getting yourselves into. The following should provide ample procrastination time. Let the discussion begin....


Thursday, August 11, 2005

From: Courtney
To: Robert
Subject: trapped in a closet

you seem like an intelligent, creative, intriguing i am curious what it is about a video of r.
kelly waving a gun around and finding out his wife
knows the cop that interests you? is it a part of your
popular culture studies? or simply a burning desire to
be trapped in a closet?

and an even better question is: when do the next
chapters come out?

the only other person who watched it besides you,

(If only I knew where this was headed..)


From: Robert
To: Courtney
Subject: re: trapped in a closet

now this is a subject i can get into. and, sadly, i
know a pathetically large number of people (say,
two or three) who followed the saga religiously.

i think i'm just trying to figure out if the r is as far
ahead of his time as i think he is, or if he's just a
very lucky idiot. but there are so many priceless
exchanges, odd minute details and
inconsistencies, and so much flat out insanity to
pts 1-5 (and i have no idea when the rest is coming
out - i heard he made 35 of them - but i'm there
when it happens), that i'm still struggling to wrap
my head around it all. and, yes, i'm kind of scared
to ask myself why i care.

and you, did you stumble along this epic on VH1,
or did kells have you from hello? that's important
for me to know before i really get into part one

it's too bad we can't have this exchange in song.
i'm suddenly inspired...

talk to you soon...

(This was only the beginning, my friends. Only the beginning...)


Friday, August 12th, 2005

From: Courtney
To: Robert
Subject: re: trapped in a closet

yes, however...if we were to have this conversation in
song, you would be doing all of the singing, and i would
just be mouthing my words. as for how i came across
it -- i did just happen to stumble upon it on mtv2,
actually. although, i was definitely sucked in as soon
as the husband came home and turned out to be gay.
(um, which is a little shocking, really) but priceless
exchanges, eh? and these inconsistencies you speak
of..i'm intrigued.

i might have to say he could be a very lucky idiot. i
mean, 35 more? i'm afraid his luck could run out with
that many more lyrical exchanges.

yes, this is a little scary. especially now that you
actually have me seriously contemplating the depth of
an r. kelly drama.



Sunday, August 14, 2005

From: Robert
To: Courtney
Subject: re: trapped in a closet

scary, eh? the r's fear leads him to nearly
shooting someone around part three. and
really, why was he "scared"? so he got
caught in bed with the gay pastor's wife? i
also like that he says "all of this that i'm
going through is unheard." is it? is it that

other little bits: the cell phone ringing -
can you turn it on vibrate at mid-ring?
and who called him at 7 o'clock in the
morning when the "rays from the sun
wakes me" (poor grammar from the git.
learn how to use your prepositional
phrases, kells)? why doesn't this get

the "he says yes i says no he says yes i
says no he says yes it's the truth" line:
priceless. just priceless. just like "and he's
looking at the closet/and i pull out my
baretta/he's coming to the
he's at the closet/now he's opening the
closet." can you ever think of closets the
same way? can you?

another priceless one: "and she says rufus
you son of a bitch, and he says kathy you
go to hell." they don't read nearly as well
as they are sung, but what's with the weird
she gives r a biblical name at the club
(mary), and that turns out to be false. and
then he actually details her throwing a
pillow at rufus, like she tried to shoot him.

the part four sex scene: possibly trumped
by "i cannot believe it/ooh ooh ooh
ooh/here come's a policeman", which he
delivers w/o a hint of irony. and where the
hell did her brother twan come home
from? college? the army? prison? space
camp? but the sex is so lurid. i mean, his
leg cramp?

and who the hell is tina? why did his wife
mention "tina", only to move right to
roxanne? will we find out later? and just
how large is our man's persecution

oh, almost forgot: "there's a reason i'm in
this closet." "yeah, what are you, talking
clothes?" wtf?

well, if you weren't scared before, that's a
lot to write about r kelly right there. i think
i have to go give my brain a shower. in
the meantime, what else are you up to
when not getting sucked into r kelly's idiot-
savant psychodrama? as if that isn't


(See, what did I tell you?)


Tuesday, August 16th, 2005

From: Courtney
To: Robert
Subject: re: trapped in a closet

ok. so apparently, i need to watch this one more time
before i can really add anything substantial to this
conversation. however, some initial thoughts: "there's
a reason i'm in this closet." obviously, being trapped in
a closet is figurative as well as literal. i mean, the
"reason" he speaks of is more than just for the clothes
because the pastor was not exactly a model of fashion.
so what then, he's feeling trapped because he's not
getting satisfied at home or something? but obviously,
as shown in the last chapters, he is getting rather
satisfied (physically) at home. so what could he be
hiding? what makes him trapped? ah...the depths of r
kelly's mind.

i was definitely confused as to why he felt the need to
bring the gun out. like you said, what did he have to be
scared about? obviously, he could have taken the
pastor, w/o a gun. was he really threatened by
someone half his size? i remember the phone ringing,
but i believe mine might have rang at the same time,
so details are a little blurry around this time. but
perhaps he just silenced the ringer? which can be done
while it's ringing. i'm a little blown away by the fact that
as soon as the husband gets home, he and his wife go
at it, all the while she knows r is in the closet. don't
you find this a little strange? i mean, i guess she had
to just go with it so that he wouldn't suspect anything.
but still, it's a bit odd. also, when r was calling home,
why would the guy that was with his wife answer?
that's a little unrealistic. of course, the dramatic effect
would not have been present had she answered.

so fast forward to the final chapters...that was a leg
cramp that caused him to stop what they were doing?
or was it the possible guilt or lack of trust? i think i
need to watch it again before we continue this
conversation. honestlly, i didn't exactly realize an r
kelly video could have such depth as this apparently
does. so either you are really good at finding depth to
just about anything, or i was oblivious of the layers at
first viewing. but either way, i think you are on to
something and i will try and find it again to watch it
more closely.

so this will have to be continued...



From: Robert
To: Courtney
Subject: re: trapped in a closet

sadly, i lost a thread of emails that my friend josh
(a brown grad studying middle-eastern politics in
jerusalem, and the smartest person our age that i
know) started among ten or so of us on the saga.
enlightening, and scary proof of how much
brainpower has gone into deconstructing "the pied
piper of r&b".

so, i'll keep the analysis short, but you touched on
the closet metaphor thing, and i can't help myself.
i'm not sure if r ever - intentionally - implicates
himself in that metaphor. it's like he says about
the pastor at the start of pt 2: "now he's staring at
me, as if he was staring at a mirror". this
foreshadows the pastor's own infidelity, and
his "coming out the closet". honestly, i think r's
persecution complex is too large for him to feel
any guilt. for (amazing) evidence, check out the
quote at the link below:

(Sadly, somewhere along the lines, the link was stolen from Friendster. Rob, do you still have them?)

at least i've proven i can talk at even
greater length about things unrelated to mr robert
kelly. i'll wait for you to take another look at the
video (but look for the poster in part five. beyond



And, that, my friends, is waaaaay too many words exchanged about R. Kelly. Or is it? It's up to you. I believe there are many more words that can be said, and Rob is your man. (Oh, and by the way, the last paragraph in the last post was taken from another message, I had to cut out the part where he asked me to have his baby, it was a bit ridiculous, and I tried to keep it to TITC-related.) There has been a few more exchanges in person, and constant references made. We still have yet to catch the VMA performance, I'm hoping to catch it on a re-run.

Ok...your turn.


dammit sami said...

It is soooooo unfair that I am at work right now. I may have to go home at lunch and at least collect my thoughts.

It is possible that velumptuous will soon be featuring an in-depth analysis of each song, completely with video recaps and cross references to this blog.

Nay, probable.

xoxo you rule xoxo

Undecided said...

I believe Rob may be asking to have your baby if you do such blog.

Then again, I may ask you, too.

another r said...

listen, everyone. ultimately, i'd like to have r kelly's baby. that's first and foremost.

now: c, here's an even more credible link to the most preposterous comment ever made by a public figure, from our brit friends at the bbc:

and i'm going to ask around to see if anyone has the emails of the other analysis of this i was involved in; if i do, i'll post a link here for everyone.

oh, anyone have a link of the vma performance. i need this.

dammit sami said...

ask and ye shall receive, pal.

another r said...

excepting the lip-synching (which in ways is also magnificent): wow. i seriously fell out of my chair.

courtney, i'm not gonna spoil it for you until i see it. but my thoughts are many...

GangstaKnitta said...

I wish I had a job that gave me enough free time to do really fun stuff like this.

Oh wait, I had that last year. Dammit.

dammit sami said...

GK, how many days a week do you work?
wink wink.
My job certainly does not give me enough time to do this - I TAKE it.

Undecided said...

Good point. And technically, they're paying us to take the time.

GangstaKnitta said...

Actually, Sami, I'm working working now, and I don't get breaks on two of the days. At all. I'm not kidding. Seven hours and I can barely leave to pee. There are reasons for this, to be posted soon. Not that I'm excited about posting about my pee.
Oh yeah, and when YOU go home, you're done. I've got 600 pages of reading waiting for me in a skimpy nightgown, cocktail in hand. Oh wait, that was a dream I had. But the 600 pages bit is true.
There appears to be a grad student UNION on campus. Hmmmmm.......