Tuesday, January 11

Board games of a different nature.

I got a little crazy this weekend, folks. And by crazy I mean bottles of wine, live music, strip clubs, copious amounts of whiskey, and lap dances. Yes, lap dances. Normally when I get crazy, it was premeditated. Not this weekend. The craziness just fell upon me and I'm still recovering.

Friday night I had dinner with K, a friend of his, and his girlfriend, where we just happened to drink about one normal bottle of wine and one of those oversized bottles of wine. The wine had quite the effect on his friend and friend's girlfriend. Towards the end of the dinner he started telling us this story, in great detail, about his girlfriend's friend who hit on him the night before in front of her boyfriend. And by hitting on him I mean, went up to him, put her hand on his dick and said something about what she'd like to do with it. He told this story loud, with lots of loud laughing, and we were in a sushi restaurant very close to the surrounding tables and customers. I look over and these two girls who are those type that try so hard to go against the fashion trends that they dress in the most unusual clothes and end up just looking ridiculous, are looking over at us with the evil eyes like we're the lame ones. After sushi and wine, we headed to see my friend's band play and it was by far the best show I had seen them play, so I was entirely happy despite the 2 hours it took to get a drink (yes, of course we needed more!).

So you're wondering about the strip club, aren't you? Dammit Sami, you'd be proud. My favorite people here, M and T, had a couple of friends in town from Maine, so K and I were planning on meeting them at their house for a fun-filled evening of board games. Ah, the excitement. So before leaving my house I put on the most hideous (yet comfortable) outfit I possibly could've put on, simply because we were staying in. I get to their house and plans had changed: we were going to go to a strip club. First, we'd try the free ones, and if those were lame we'd pay the 15 bucks for "quality." Luckily, my friend T offered to lend me some clothes as I might have been turned away with the outfit I had on for boardgame-fun. We head to the free club first. It was a new one that had just opened up. When we walk in, there is no one. NO ONE. The strippers are sitting around, waiting for their turn to get on stage. We look around and there was porn on the television screens. Two different porns, each with it's own tv above the bar. And golf. Golf was on the third. Strange, no? At one point M was attempting to have a perfectly civilized conversation with me when he burst out laughing because he could no longer contain the fact that there was a porn directly to the left of my head. So, we opted to pay the 15 bucks for the more frequented and classier strip club.

We pull up and it's like going to Disney World after the last one (haha, Strippers at Disney. Could you imagine naked women getting down and dirty with Goofy or Mickey?). We get inside and it's packed (a good sign in strip-club-world). You instantly notice the regulars. The men in there by themselves, looking as if they're at home watching a football game, only with a bit more glossiness to their eyes. Luckily we find a corner of the stage that we manage to inhabit the entire night. K and I are feeling a bit awkward since we hadn't quite been drinking enough to be comfortable staring at stranger's tits yet. Enter the whiskey and things get a bit more interesting. I soon have the tits being slapped in my face and lap dances bought for me. You should have seen me, too. Although not quite hideous anymore, I looked so goddam innocent it even made me want to puke. Needless to say, the innocence had quite the effect on the strippers. I think they were all determined to embarrass the hell out of me and every one of them seemed to up their act when coming towards me. Hours later we emerge feeling as if we were used, but coincidently ok with it. We had been felt-up, danced over, knocked around by unusually soft tits, and our wallets sucked-dry without us even noticing..and all in the matter of a couple of hours.

How's that for a night of board games?


Anonymous said...

I was like a kid in a candy store...glossy stare..drooling...I want some of those in my mouth. hahahaha. I have never been closer to stranger's boobies before in my life. I zerberted and bit them...it was great. I just wish I had loads of money. I would be there all the time.
* tabby

Anonymous said...

My god, what a night. Your brother in law is so proud.

dammit sami said...

Woah. You are a fucking rock star. That is the most hands-on titty bar I've ever heard of! It sounds like my kind of place. Although I bet you can't touch the pussy.

Undecided said...

No, but they can touch yours.

(Have you ever considered moving up North, Dammit Sami?)

dammit sami said...

Well funny you should say that. I actually spent my college years in the liberal, lesbian paradise of Northampton, MA and I loved it. But you know what I love more than specatular fall leaves, Senators Kerry & Kennedy, and even top tier titty bars?
Not freezing my nuts off every time I venture outside between October and April.
Sad, but true, I'm a cold weather pansy. However, next time I'm up in your neck of the woods, can we puh-LEASE go to that place?

Undecided said...

I forgot about that! Yes...we're there. And just so you know, women can get totally naked in Rhode Island. So when are you coming already?

I'm with you..I live here and I'm a cold weather pansy!