Grand. Freaking. Slam.

Barrett and I, post grand slam.



Our not-really seats behind home plate.

I got to go to my first (and hopefully not only) Sox game of the season yesterday with my friend Barrett and had an absolute blast. It was one of those days where we had perfect timing for everything, including the last train from Providence before rush hour and the perfect table next to the street by Fenway to wait for his friends before the game rush showed up and swamped the place. It was just all around great. It feels awesome to rediscover a friendship that at one point was at risk of disappearing, and to truly enjoy being around that person again as your new selves and it leave you wanting to hang out more because, for once in the past few months, you've discovered another person you can actually be your true self around. I couldn't have imagined a better way to spend a night at Fenway. I mean, even if we hadn't scored those seats right next to our real seats and I had ended up having to look at the big green post directly in front of me the whole game, I still would've enjoyed it. Thank you, Barrett. The Springboard* had a blast.

On another note: Took had to take a visit to the Vet yesterday to take a ride on the Scary Stainless Steel Spaceship to get probed in the ass all because he couldn't stop licking his empty ball sack due to a bacterial infection that his mom caused by letting him wade in an apparently bacteria-infected creek. (I should be sent away). I've been watching the Dog Whisperer lately, and have been trying to work on my energy around him in stressful situations so he can sense it and act accordingly...but yeh, that was challenged a bit yesterday when I watched my dog yelp in fear of the thermometer being shoved up his and the needle jammed in his leg. How can you act calm and comfortable in a time like that? You can't, that's how. Poor guy...it's not your fault you got jock itch. It's your horrible mom's fault that she decided a swim in the creek would be good for you.


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*Over drinks, Barrett decided that my nickname should be Springboard because I'm the one that makes the guys realize they should go back to their ex (or separated wife) or start that new relationship with that girl they've been admiring (or their best friend, whichever). Nice, huh?

For all you sustainable folks:

Google has started a cool little project over here:

http://services.google.com/earth/green/

It highlights sustainable businesses in prime tourist cities, and then maps them out for you, including video highlights that feature a random guy dressed in green drumming at the selected location. I'm awaiting one in Boston...hopefully soon. It's pretty cool.

Nice work, Google.

Calm.

I've always seemed to have had the ability to find a reason for why someone comes in or out of my life. There have been times, especially as of late where I've struggled with the answer. When this occurs I feel off, unbalanced...unsettled. Then, there are times, where I instantly know the reason, I feel the reason why someone has come into my life, and I become a bit more settled. It balances out the previous uncertainty. Over the past few months, I've been trying to come to terms with the frustrations I feel from an unknown future and the pressure for it to be known. This past weekend, I finally realized I need to let it go. It's been causing my insides to stir. Two days later, I began exploring a relationship with someone new (and by relationship, I don't mean the common definition we associate that with, but it is, in essence, a beginning of a relationship of some form)...someone with a calmness about him that is infectious. In the two days and nights I've spent with him, I feel it taking over me...I no longer feel the pressure I've been putting on myself, I feel the way I've been wanting to feel for quite some time now. He didn't cause this, nor did he give me this, but he has helped me acknowledge it's importance even further than I had yet been able to on my own. It hasn't even been through words necessarily, but simply by being in his presence. I feel okay at the moment. I'm not as concerned about the future right now. It all feels*....good.

(In conclusion, apparently, I'm FEELING again. According to the amount of times I just used the word "feel" in the paragraph above, it's feeling times 9. And now it's 13.)

Tired.

I'm getting tired of talking. Tired of confessing I have no idea what my plans are for the future. Tired of backing up my single status, my refusal to settle just so I can have a boyfriend and later husband. I'm tired of telling people what idea I'm onto next, only to change it the next week, or even day. I'm just tired. It's not that I don't want to share my thoughts with the people I love more than anything...but indecision and lack of direction is exhausting, even without voicing it. I'm even tired of thinking. Not being able to choose, to take action, is more than just frustrating to those in my life with unending declarations of where I might go...it's just plain tiring.

Last night as I was lying in bed, the first time I had been silent and alone in 3 days, and I actually thought about going somewhere for a week where I wouldn't have to talk. The only words I would speak would be to my dog. My cell phone would be shut off. The computer would be no where near me. I wonder if then I might find some clarity. To be forced to not share my inner thoughts, my ideas, my daily change of direction, maybe then I'll remember who I really am and what it is I want to do.

I'm just tired. I don't feel like talking about heavy, life-altering decisions anymore.

I just want the silence to make a decision for me, but I can't find the silence.

Parking Lot Bitches 2006™

You didn't realize safety vests could be this hot, did you?