Thursday, February 16

In need of repair.

I would take my heart being broken into a thousand pieces to not break another person's heart.

Two years ago, my heart shut off. The little light went out and it stopped ticking the second he walked off my porch. And the thing is, I'm afraid it might not work again. In the past two years I've met a couple of incredible, fantastic, intelligent, life-changing, caring, funny, genuine individuals who care for me more than I deserve...and I've been blessed to have them come into my life in more than one way. I am more honored then I can express that they are willing to give themselves to me, willing to take the risk of a broken heart in the hopes that somewhere along the way mine will be wound once more. It's an honor that humbles me, frustrates me, and worries me all at once. In the end, I can't give them what they so freely give to me, and I'm the one causing pain. Causing someone ache and saddness is a pain that's unbearable.

I don't know how to get my heart to open up again. The thing that is strange is that I want it to more than anything and I'm willing to take the pain of risking loss to just feel again. I have so much love to give, and it's boiling up inside as the inability to let it free continues.

1 comment:

r said...

all in good time, friend. that release will come in time. and just think how good it will feel when it does.

just be good to yourself until then, and things will work themselves out. i've got faith in that.