A week in Maine does a body good. I left on hiatus rather abruptly. I was so tired of my muddled mind, my disappointment in myself, my unhappiness with the world around me, that the wednesday before last week, I decided a vacation it would be. I went home to Maine to stay with my parents. I spent the entire week do nothing but sleeping in, running by the water, hanging out with Took, eating free food, and staying up late. The one productive thing I did was work on my resume and apply to a job. It felt good. All of it. I needed this in so many ways. And now I'm back and feel refreshed, I even told a homeowner in the neighborhood that I park my car in that the work he's done on his house "is lovely." I said "lovely." To a stranger. I never say lovely. I think I even smiled.
Things are clearer now. The problems I was dealing with (and still am), don't seem nearly as paralyzing as I thought they were. They still exist, and are still on my mind, but I feel like I can handle them now. I had a hard time leaving Maine, I even cried a little bit as I drove away...even at 26, things don't seem as bad when you have your mom there to hug you. I'm lucky to have that, to have a home to escape to, and parent's to help me get through. I'm focused now on making the change I've craved for so long. I'm still not sure what the change will be, but I feel it coming...which is something I couldn't even come close to before I left. It feels good. I am also aware that I do this, that I go from up to down to up to down like I change outfits in the morning, but for now, I will try to revel in this, and be productive while I'm on this current up.
I came home to a beautiful vase of flowers from Rob by my door, wood on my porch from a friend, and a card from one of the most incredible friends a girl could have. Last night as I was getting ready for bed, the dread of coming home had transfixed itself in the Christmas lights on my ficus in the dining room to feelings of contentment...it was good to be home...even if this isn't going to be my home forever. I was happy for the night, happy for the people in my life, and happy I had escaped, even just for a week.